There can’t be many experiences as incredible as having a baby.
During my delivery I was able to see my baby’s head in the minutes before he was delivered and in the seconds between him existing truly as a part of me, the look of utter amazement in my husband’s eyes, and the baby being placed on me I could not stop myself from crying tears of joy. This tiny miracle my body had been creating for 39 weeks was finally real. There was nothing that could have prepared me to see my son for the first time.
In the first several days I believe I existed on pure adrenaline, with barely a dozen hours of sleep accumulated over that several days’ time. All I wanted to do in those first few days was cuddle my tiny baby and watch his every movement. I was in awe each time I looked at the clock or the day to think, “He is only a couple hours old,” or “He is only three days old.” How much newer to the world can you get than that?
There are hardly any words to describe the feelings for my newborn baby. To love him does not seem to adequately express the time I spend worrying and watching his every movement. To love him cannot explain the reason I am unable to be frustrated by his cries, even when they seem to stretch on for far too long. To love him cannot be enough to describe the feeling of him falling to sleep in my arms.
This time seems so precious. At only two and a half weeks time seems to be speeding by so quickly. Did I not just deliver this little boy? Was he not just hours old? Each day seems to pass by so quickly and cannot bear to not to let him sleep in my arms, no matter how much I have to do. I can already tell he will grow too fast and I crave to slow time down to a pace I can enjoy.
Motherhood is so much harder than I expected. I didn’t realize how drastically my body would change after my baby left it. I didn’t realize I would spend what seems like most of my time nursing and the rest of my time rocking a very tired baby to sleep. I worry much more than I anticipated. I Google much more than I anticipated. My feelings are much stronger than I anticipated.
And the love. The love does not stop with Rhett, but encompasses my husband as well. After our baby’s birth my husband told me he hadn’t thought he could love me any more until that moment. While Chase didn’t bring our child into the world in the same way I did, my love grew for him through my labor and delivery as he spoke word after word of love and tender encouragement. Before, I loved him, in those moments I loved him, and I will continue to love him not only as my husband, but as a man and a father.
I know that each moment and each day are different. Rhett and I have already had a small share of ups and downs but so has each new mama. I am so happy to have entered a new world in which to exist and I know that my love will grow each day, and for that I feel so blessed and grateful.
Did you miss Part One? You can find it here.