Today is my very first Mother’s Day.
Well, I was technically growing Rhett at this time last year, but I still didn’t know it!
Motherhood is, by far, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. While I would love to sugarcoat each and every day as if it were a dream and I had the perfect baby, I can’t pretend things have been easy so far. Before Rhett was born I read about the moment you meet your baby and the pure and instantaneous love you feel with them. In all honesty I didn’t have those feelings when Rhett was born. Of course he was a little miracle to me and I was in awe of his very being, but I can’t say I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. Loving Rhett has been something that has grown inside me each and every day, some days more than others.
Motherhood has taught me the meaning of the word selfless. In almost no other circumstance could I imagine a person putting someone else’s needs over their own physical or emotional ones. I have cared for Rhett laughing, energized, satisfied, and happy. But I have also cared for him while I have been crying, dead tired, hungry, thirsty, hot, cold, frustrated, and lonely. There was a day not too long ago that when Rhett woke up from a nap crying I just cried with him because I could not have been more tired or lonely. There are days I have felt support from almost every person I know, and days when I have felt completely and totally alone. Rhett has been a tough baby and I think if I hadn’t had experience before him I would have felt completely and utterly overwhelmed. Thankfully I have felt the love and support from friends and family and we have learned a lot about each other these last (almost) four months. Rhett has brought be joy I didn’t know I could feel and I have learned to love him in a way I could not have imagined possible. I have given every fiber of my being for the love of my child and I will continue to do so for all the days of my life.
When I see each of my friends entering motherhood I yearn for that time barely four months ago when ours lives changed in an instant. Carrying a child inside you is one thing, but holding him in yours arms is completely another. My heart aches for the moment my very first baby was placed in my arms and I stared at him with wonder, asking how such a tiny and perfect being could have been growing inside me for all that time. It sounds silly, but until the moment I saw him it really had not fully registered to me that I was actually growing a little person inside of me. Until I saw him he was just a dream and a wish and a baby we had been looking forward to with fear and wonder. And although I did not fall instantly in love with my sweet baby boy, something inside me broke open and started to grow the first time I looked at him and that big Hershey kiss on his forehead.
Motherhood has shown me how strong I have become. I have started every tired day with Rhett’s sweet smiles and carried us through each one. Rhett shows me his sweet love with dozens of smiles and I find joy in watching him grow and change each day. He has accomplished so much in these few months and I look forward to each day as his person and personality shine brighter and brighter.
So on this very first of many Mothers Days I wanted to take an honest look at motherhood so far, and although it has been hard it has brought me joy and love I never could have imagined. I’m so thankful for my little family and can’t wait for my husband to rejoin us soon. I wish every mother a wonderful day in which you are celebrated by the people you love. I am only just beginning to understand the journeys each of you are taking and I look forward to learning more and more.